Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
