and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
