He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
