I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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