oh god the rape fog is back!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
