If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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