I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
