1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
