I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
