Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
