KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
