So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
