Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
