there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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