help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
