Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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