i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
