she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
