Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
