Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
