she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She even gives head with a lisp.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
