Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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