I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
