I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
time to smoke my breakfast
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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