The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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