Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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