in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize