I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
