What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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