I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
