i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize