when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
