I accidentally had phone sex last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
