you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
