I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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