She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
