I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
