He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
