I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
