you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
