"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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