I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
