You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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