I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
