i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
