Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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