Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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