My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
