who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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