Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
