I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
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her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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