u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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