he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
