Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
