So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
