About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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