Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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