I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
