i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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