yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
