I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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