Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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