she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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