Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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