the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
