i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
