I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
