so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
