just tell him i said nine months
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
