College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
There are leaves in my underwear?
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