his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
