i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
