Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
