Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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