I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
