so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
