So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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