I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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