I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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