I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
