I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
did you just send me my own nude
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
