i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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