If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
