Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
