But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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